Awkward Things to do at a Funeral #4

 

Mortified

Over the course of the night, tell a series of embarrassing stories about yourself to everyone with whom you speak. They don’t have to be true, but try not to repeat yourself. Don’t bother to smoothly segue into them either, just abruptly change the subject whenever you have a chance.

Make sure to end each story with, “Oh my God, it was so embarrassing! I could just die!

The first few times you do this, you will probably get away with it, nobody will notice your unfortunate choice of words. Or if they do, they won’t think anything of it, it is a common expression, after all. However, every time you say this, you will be really loud and obnoxious about it, so that others can hear you too. When people you have spoken to earlier overhear you talking to others, they will begin to notice. Once you have passed a minimum threshold, a general consensus will emerge amongst the bereaved that you are an asshole.

 

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