Hurricanes Happen Because You Touch Yourself at Night

If Jesus-freaks want to blame hurricanes and other natural disasters on women in revealing clothes, voodoo practitioners, or homosexuals, that’s just fine with me. These biblitards are the same asshats who think that evolution is “just” a theory, and that global warming is a liberal conspiracy designed to usher in a one world government ruled by Satan and Michael Moore. Doesn’t anyone else see the opportunity here?

I’m pretty sure a correlation can be found between the increasing acceptance of gays and lesbians in western societies and the rising average temperature of the globe – at least since the career of Oscar Wilde. Someone should start a campaign to reduce the use of fossil fuels as a way of combatting homosexuality. It’s ridiculous, but it’s no more ridiculous than this. If it works, by the time the world is covered in solar panels, windmills, and happily married gay couples, it will be too late.

The fundamentalists could then assemble in parks, sit in circles, and thump their bibles together while nearby, hippies will jeer at them and tell them to go get haircuts, until their own particular brand of faith-based willful ignorance quietly goes extinct.

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